We not only have the holidays rolling in but birthdays as well. My moms birthday was last week. I didn’t feel much like posting about it, I have done it every year whether it be for the day or a day or week after. So here I am again. Missing my mom like crazy. I have missed out on having a mom for a lot of special occasions. But you know what I realized just a few minutes ago. My mom is seriously in a better place. Regardless of what anyone says or thinks or believes. She is in heaven with our father God. And because she is there, she is not here where the world is truly going to shit. I hate even talking about this in the same breath as talking about my mom. But the world is really crazy, and I don’t see it let up anytime soon. I would hate my mom Rest her soul, to be here and be subjected to all the bullshit we are dealing with. I seriously am. I know I miss her presence but I know her spirit lives within me for always. And that gives me peace of mind.
My sister is another family member I constantly worry about, I think after our last disagreement. I tried not to let it give me a guilty conscience. She is my sister, but I am not her keeper nor do I owe her anything. I think we have fairly given to each other. I love her to pieces and wish she lived closer, I really do. But we are like day and night, it doesn’t mean I love her any less. She is my sister till the end of time, whenever that is. Even though we are very different, we still love each other. We express it to each other now and then. Sometimes we need to hear it, to know that someone from our family gives two shits. She is going through her set of difficulties and she is always in my prayers. I love you sis!
It is very sad that things change drastically after the glue of the family passes on, the glue being my mother. She always held us together, it so weird. After she passed, wow it slowly began to come apart. It is very sad, and I am sure it saddens her too. But mommy if you are reading this, or listening to my thoughts. You didn’t do anything wrong, it was all of us. I miss her, I really do. I love you mom, I always will.
This month is also my honey’s birthday, my honey meaning the man that I truly deeply love, and hope to grow old with. The one that I call my bestie, best friend, best bud. I know I have met my soul mate. I find it is him. I feel it in my bones, I feel it in my heart. This man is everything I ever dreamed of. Isn’t that what is important? I just love him so very much.
I think I have had a lot on my mind. I keep thinking of what is going on in the world today, but at the same time, I don’t want to think about it. All I know, is when the shit really hits the fan, that the ones I love have already passed because I don’t want to see them suffer through whatever is coming.
What a terrible post lol. But we all think it, even if you don’t write it. I know it crosses your mind as much as you don’t want to admit it. It is part of being human, having compassion and being fearful.
Anyway with that said. I think I will leave you with a movie that is coming out soon. I am big into horror, and this is one I definitely want to see.