When I was younger I use to look forward to the weekend, wait hold up. I still do, but not like I did when I was in my "party mode" lmao. Being here (in England) makes things a lot harder because I don't know where what is at, and I don't have people I know like friends and family. I have friends but they are too far lol. So when weekends roll around there is not much to look forward to. Yeah and then if someone asks "what you doing for the weekend" I'm like errmm not much, staying in lol. Well that all I can really say. Alice is in London so we don't hang out much. In some ways with whats going on right now, it's for the best. But yeah well eventually I'll be back in California, and I'll be so excited to see everyone again, and maybe do a little clubbing, this one club I use to go to where I met loads of people, I look forward to going Continue Reading
Happy Mother’s Day
I hope everyone has/had a wonderful Mother's Day today. I don't have a mother, well not an alive one anyway, wait thats not true. My mom will always live on, in me and my heart. I miss her so much. I was talking to Alice today and we briefly said Happy Mother's Day to each other even though we both don't have kids, hehe. But thought why not. Then I suddenly remembered it was actually Mother's Day it didn't sink in quiet yet. Then I suddenly started to miss her and I started to cry on the phone. She (Alice) was comforting, and I made myself stop crying, I know I miss her and omg I wish she was here because I need one of her hugs so much. I miss her laugh, I miss her calling me when she's a little upset, I miss her walking with me in the grocery store holding on to my arm. I miss those little little things that we regret once they are gone. Continue Reading
Damn Alarm Clock
So I haven't been up to much. Been doing a lot of thinking lately. Just about life in general I guess. I talk to Al sometimes about dreams we have, she said she's had dreams about her teeth falling out, I recall having a similar dream. People from her work were getting her all paranoid saying that "it means death" and such. I'm like no, I look at it like "out with the old, in with the new" thats kind of how I see the teeth falling out dream, like when we were little kids, our teeth fell out and we grew in our adult teeth. Anyone have any theories about that or know a website to go entertain myself with on dreams? Lol. Maybe I'll do some surfing late and see what I can come up to calm this woman down, lol. She calls me and asks me if I am okay, I'm like "yes, why" then she told me about the dream and what everyone said lol. Don't you Continue Reading
Happy Vday!!
Better late than never. I didn't spend it with Al for obvious reasons. Although I did fine myself missing her. She is a big part of my life. She sent me 2 Valentine cards, dozens gorgeous red roses, a box of candy lol, I'm not really into candy lol. I sent her a box of chocolates, she loves chocolates, some beautiful Red Roses, it's only appropriate, I have wine for her but thats here, she'll get that when she gets here. I also have some other cute little goodies for when she comes down here. Oh yeah and I wanted to thank Felix and Jennifer for sending us a beautiful basket with candy, flowers and wine (Al will love this) Thank you so much Felix and Jennifer you guys are so wonderful. Anyway so we talked on the phone a few times. She goes back to work tomorrow for a long shift. What a way to go back. I need to get to the post office Continue Reading
Spiraling Down
I wish I could just let it out and moan about every little bad part of my life. I think this domain started with that. If I come to think about it. How funny. My relationship started about the same time that I put this domain up. Well I plan on getting another one, and with that a change of life, I'm hoping. I've never lived in abusive relationship but Omg!! It's so much more than I can handle, when I say abusive it's mainly been verbal and emotional. I think I am getting numb to it. I actually hate my ex! Well thats a bit strong, I strongly dislike how she is. I am far from being perfect. There are many things about this "type" of relationship that I didn't understand and see now that it wasn't for me. Sometimes I feel my head will explode, seriuosly explode. I don't get along with my 'ex' and being ex's makes things all that much Continue Reading