Alone Tonight

That’s right, I’m alone tonight. Alice went to stay the night with an old friend of 20 years, although she hadn’t kept in touch but has been regularly emailing him. Yeah he’s some guy named Kevin. He’s straight. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but I can’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable her going to stay at someone’s place that I’ve never met. Would you be okay with that? I’m a lesbian, she is staying at an old friends house I’ve never met that is straight, how safe is that? Pretty damn safe right? So why do I feel uncomfortable? Is it the fact she didn’t talk to me about it, and just stated that is what was going to happen? Most likely. I’m not going to worry about it, cause it will get me sick.

She left a few hours ago, and left me with things to do, as she often does. Do some research on B&B’s in Missouri, International quotes for moving house furnishings, cleaning the house as an appraiser is going to come and give an appraisal, she’s just curious as to how much the flat is worth. I feel a bit mad cause she left me to do all this, while she goes off to Kevin’s. The last time she brought it up she said, “he invited us” when I know he didn’t, he invited her, not me. Wait didn’t I say I wasn’t going to trip, well I guess that didn’t work lmao. Ahh fuck it anyway moving on.

I think tonight, I’ll watch a movie or two, then do some cleaning, so I don’t have to do any tomorow. We’ve been talking about the move, last thing I wrote I believe was that she wanted to go to Pennsylvania, well after checking and checking this week, she finally said, Okay looks like it’s Missouri. I had done some research on things for that, one thing I dislike about her is her indecisiveness lol. So Missouri it is. Millie you are right she changed her mind lol. I’m really nervous becuase it looks like when we go there, I may be staying there alone. Whats more is this. When the sale goes through, the plan is for me to move there and start setting up home, as I mentioned before. Thing is I’ve NEVER stayed anywhere in my life alone. I mean no family, no friends, just ME! I am petrified, but I know I have to do it. The other sad thing that is really starting to hurt me is that. Alice is not going to be staying with me, and she’ll be back in England, working paying off some stuff waiting for other property business to go through, so it may 6months to a year before she can come out. I feel like crying because since moving here 2 years ago, I’ve not been without her. So to now have to face the fact I’ll be without her scares me in many ways. We both have said, this is the true test of our relationship. I feel like crying now. I really do, why do I feel like crying. Just everything, so sudden, I didn’t know it was going to be like that, but after talking about it with her thats the realization we’ve come to. The houses we’ve seen are gorgeous I can’t tell you. It’s like a dream seeing these houses and all the space outside and inside. So much better and different than being here in England. I know there are places like that here, but truthfully England is over priced way over priced. Besides we’ve always wanted to go to America and now we are. So if anyone knows Missourie, Kansas City and surrounding areas, drop me an email if you know any local numbers like utilities and phone company etc. I’m going to go now, I need to cheer myself up, and cry a bit. I hope to either see her come to Missouri for her bday or me return here. We’ll see how things go, wish us luck though.